Unfortunate events

The moon was full

I blame it.

For running to the sea

with abandon.

Throwing clothes in the sand

Swallowing salt

And your tongue. Lover

I blame the moon.

You blame me

For drawing myself

Into you.

Our things were stolen

But still we laughed.

It was all worth it. I believe

But you blamed me.

For drawing you into

My chaos.

Still we laughed

with salt on our bodies

Crashing like waves. Moments

Are worth

Losing a few things.

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Love

This is a poem I wrote over a year ago, that I’m sharing now.

You will fall for love

And love may fall for you

And one day you might

Wake up and say

“Fuck

It happened”.

Because you were the girl

Who was above it all

Who laughed at the world

And never let it get close enough

To see the cracks in the walls

Of your marble tower.

But love will catch you,

It’ll tear you apart

Seep into your cracks

Until your castle topples around you

The marble was broken

By a single knock.

And in the midst

Of the dust and rubble

Lies a defeated girl

With a heart cracked open.

And love becomes

Monday mornings late for school

Waking up wrapped in legs and arms,

Trips to the beach in the middle of the night

And walks around cities

Across the world

Always hand in hand.

Love is when he tells you

“Everything is going to be okay”

And you actually believe it.

When he sobs on your shoulder

For a lifetime of dry eyes,

Love is walks home at 3am

When he cheers you on to keep moving

While he’s just as tired as you are.

Love is stupid little jokes

And wrestling for blankets.

Love is messy and sometimes gross.

Love is kissing your face

When it’s puffy or sweaty or covered in snot.

Love is seeing him around the corner

And smiling the most you have all day.

But love will rip every

Bone out of your body.

Love stretches you, pushes you

Bends you, cuts you open

Rearranges the parts

And sews you back together

So you’ll never be the same again.

Love kicks you in the gut

Leaving you gasping for air

Love comes and goes like wind

Leaving your arms holding only dust.

Love lingers then is lost,

With a lifetime spent trying to find it

Time and Time again.

But love will fall for you

And you will fall for love.

Sea and sky

The ripple of sunbeams on the sea,

The flecks of sparkle and glamour,

The crossing of waves on stone beaches,

The lull and rock of a boat in motion

flying through wind

like the rolling ocean

is merely patches of cloud

And we are alone in the sky.

Skimming the tops of new dimensions

arms outstretched

catching wind in the billow of canvas sails.

To floating in a bowl of blue liquid

the sky and sea meet

in a line of infinity

stretching across the curved and rolling Earth

dead man’s pose

arms and legs wide

Opening myself to the sky

as the sun grazes my body

and the ice cold envelops me

my hair billows out

And every doubt I ever had

floats away

to be smoothed by the everlasting waves

September

A poem I wrote a year ago this time, when I first moved to Spain

 

Peace rolls off my tongue

in this land of beauty,

filling my belly with fresh pomegranate seeds

and the bright red of new life.

The mornings I wake up to a dark world

and roll onto my back

to be greeted by a cotton candy sky

and shimmering pools of belief.

The sounds of ancient church bells

and an ancient people that know these winding streets,

that breathe the freshest of life.

My teachers tell me to work, to reflect

to live and breathe my art

to give this world all of me

again and again and again.

Peace cradles me in the salty arms of the Mediterranean sea

in the waves lapping like kisses

on my happily aching body

the ache of becoming more each day.

This place that was once a dream

becomes my home bit by bit.

The caramel roofs on white stone houses,

the walks with nowhere to be,

the town that comes alive with joy,

good things take time to arrive.

Rafting

The river flows

over rocks and sticks

winding its way

through dark mountain ranges.

Piercing the sky

with the castles of clouds

drifting along the blue

bubbles of water.

The reflection shows

the dark upside down

of branches across

the currents way.

We float in the crisp, cold waves

bobbing up and down

pulled along

at the mercy of the river

but this is peace.

The green old trees

rustle along

to the ancient winds,

grasses and plains.

Laughter ripples across

rocks and rapids,

bruises and scratches,

paddles and rafts

as we journey on.

Joy is tumbling along

with the ones you love

rowing down the river

Eyes closed in the sun.

A poem for Vilnius

Dear Vilnius,

The dusk gathers softly

on the domes and spires

of the ancient city

tucked in the pockets of hills.

The castle in the distance

watches over and protects

where the iron wolf used to howl through the night

for the dreams of the people

who believed in legends.

The ones who worship the sun, moon and stars,

name their children after trees,

who’ve been conquered and been conquerors,

who sang their way to freedom.

The summer sun never sets

on the cobblestone streets

with stone angels peering down

where wishes are made

on golden archways.

In ancient songs

of love and loss

of quiet countryside

and shy spring smiles.

Miela Lietuva,

(Dear Lithuania)

atsiprašau kad aš vis tavęs pamirštu.

(I’m sorry I always forget you)

Pamirštu kad esi manyje

(I forget you are inside of me)

ir aš dalis tavęs.

(as I am a part of you)

Man reikia eiti savo keliu

(I have to go my way)

su tavo vardu širdyje.

(with your name in my heart)

Gerbti tavo praeities

(respect your past)

kuris išvis yra mano.

(that in the end is mine)

Man duoda stiprybės ir ramybės

(It gives me strength and peace)

mano kraujas didysis

(this blood)

niekados nebūsiu kitokia.

(I will never be another)

Tave galiu mylėti

(I can love you)

asmenišku būdu

(In my own way)

Mes išsiskleidžiam po visą pasaulį

(We spread across the world)

šitos salies ateitis

(this country’s future)

padarysim gero iš ko mums davėt

(We’ll do good out of what you gave us)

bet eisim savo kryptim

(but we’ll go our own way)

Reflections on London, Ireland and Berlin

Saying goodbye is the worst part of traveling.

I’ve returned now from my trip and am settling into a new apartment in the center of Barcelona. I’m living alone (I think, there’s another roommate apparently but I haven’t seen him yet, it’s been 3 days.) But for the month of July I’m living in the center of a big city, something I’ve never experienced before. It’s coming with it’s own challenges and victories and embarrassing moments (I couldn’t get my door open today) but it’s very interesting and I love the apartment.

Returning from this trip, I have a feeling something is different. Two weeks on the road living out of a backpack spending every moment with friends has now gone to a room full of things I probably don’t really need and constant solitude (which is quite blissful actually).

Saying goodbye to my friends was really hard, as well as the beautiful places they live that I got to experience and be a part of for a short while.  I’m always going to carry around these new stories and experiences, and they’ve all ultimately changed me and made me feel less afraid of this big world. I’ve met people from all over the world with their own unique stories that opened my mind to new perspectives. I embraced the Berlin motto of “poor but sexy” and drank beer and ate cereal on the street with my friend while yelling in Polish. I’ve been to grimy techno clubs and Biergartens and walked by countless canals. We ate cherries in the Turkish market and drank a lot of Club Mate (sometimes mixed with Vodka). My friends have shown me how to be fearless, unique, independent and grounded. The world has shown me that most problems can actually be solved, and that no matter how far across the world people are fundamentally all the same.