Gratitude

I’m grateful for everything

for the light and dark

and many shades in between.

for everything I’ve lost and found again.

everything I lost and learned to live without.

I’m grateful for church bells ringing at 8am

For the sun setting over the sea in untamed glory

and sweet air that fills me up

and places me squarely on the ground.

For every moment my body fights for my life.

I’m grateful for every time I leaped and was caught.

For everything I didn’t think I could survive

and was proven wrong in the end.

For making me fall

and teaching me to get up again.

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The Present 3/3

I live for the moment
Of a hungover Sunday morning
Waking up with my friends
In the tiny, low-ceiling flat
Falling apart around us
Or sleepily crawling under a blanket
Next to each other in bed.
Laughing about our mistakes
Our youthful antics and pains,
Reciting Chekhov lines
Singing along to records
Surrounded by smoky haze
These days could not be more perfect.
I live for the hardships and nerves,
Pushes and plans and small victories
Everything is happening
In its perfect, perfect way
And will never again
Beyond this moment
Ever be the same.

The life of the artist

The life of the artist

Is not something you choose.

It is something you’re born into,

It is where you keep finding yourself

Again and again

Even after getting lost

Countless times.

The life of the artist

Is hours and days and months.

A lifetime

Perfecting a movement

Integrating the emotion

Channeling the soul.

It is pain and practice

Soreness and defeat,

The biggest exhilaration

That is possible to feel

By a mere human being.

It’s the ache in your soul

That’s filled up with beauty

And spills over the edges.

When no matter how far

You may wander

You will always find your way back

To yourself.

Because the life of the artist

Is the force inside of you

Lining your bones and arteries

Pumping in every heartbeat

In every inch of excitable bones

You were born into it.

Radical Thought

Life has been testing me lately…

I was robbed, lost half my belongings in an airport, am very poor at the moment and countless other bad luck moments and general confusion about life. In essence, just about everything that could go wrong has gone wrong in the past couple weeks. I don’t know how I’m gonna make money to support myself in Spain, and school has been exponentially more intense in second year plus we’re starting rehearsals Monday for our production of Bad Girls the musical.

So…YEaH

But at the same time, I’ve lost so much that I have little connection to material things. Why bother caring about my things if I’m just going to lose them anyway? I have amazing friends who’ve helped me out, I truly wouldn’t get by without a little help from my friends. The things I’m learning in my classes are amazing, eye opening and inspiring. I’m learning to work harder than I ever have before. I’m excited to start the rehearsal process for our musical.

Life is weird, confusing and will never be the same as it is now. So try to enjoy it, I guess?

I had this radical idea yesterday:

The reason life has been testing me is because I’ve leveled up. My old challenges became too easy and now I need to keep being tested in order for me to get even stronger.

 

Unfortunate events

The moon was full

I blame it.

For running to the sea

with abandon.

Throwing clothes in the sand

Swallowing salt

And your tongue. Lover

I blame the moon.

You blame me

For drawing myself

Into you.

Our things were stolen

But still we laughed.

It was all worth it. I believe

But you blamed me.

For drawing you into

My chaos.

Still we laughed

with salt on our bodies

Crashing like waves. Moments

Are worth

Losing a few things.

Love

This is a poem I wrote over a year ago, that I’m sharing now.

You will fall for love

And love may fall for you

And one day you might

Wake up and say

“Fuck

It happened”.

Because you were the girl

Who was above it all

Who laughed at the world

And never let it get close enough

To see the cracks in the walls

Of your marble tower.

But love will catch you,

It’ll tear you apart

Seep into your cracks

Until your castle topples around you

The marble was broken

By a single knock.

And in the midst

Of the dust and rubble

Lies a defeated girl

With a heart cracked open.

And love becomes

Monday mornings late for school

Waking up wrapped in legs and arms,

Trips to the beach in the middle of the night

And walks around cities

Across the world

Always hand in hand.

Love is when he tells you

“Everything is going to be okay”

And you actually believe it.

When he sobs on your shoulder

For a lifetime of dry eyes,

Love is walks home at 3am

When he cheers you on to keep moving

While he’s just as tired as you are.

Love is stupid little jokes

And wrestling for blankets.

Love is messy and sometimes gross.

Love is kissing your face

When it’s puffy or sweaty or covered in snot.

Love is seeing him around the corner

And smiling the most you have all day.

But love will rip every

Bone out of your body.

Love stretches you, pushes you

Bends you, cuts you open

Rearranges the parts

And sews you back together

So you’ll never be the same again.

Love kicks you in the gut

Leaving you gasping for air

Love comes and goes like wind

Leaving your arms holding only dust.

Love lingers then is lost,

With a lifetime spent trying to find it

Time and Time again.

But love will fall for you

And you will fall for love.