Hi, I’m back! (again).
Sorry I’ve been silent. I’ve been exploring and growing and taking space. Healing on quantum levels and feeling into many different timelines and soul fragments. This has been a beautifully revealing process, letting go into love and surrendering to whatever emotion I’m meant to feel. If there’s anything I’ve learned, it’s that pain is not something to shy away from. Pain is a portal that leads us to new discoveries and new beginnings.
“What you feel, you heal” – Raphael Awen.
And I’ve been feeling a lot, as I’m sure we all have. Feeling into my relationships and what parts of me are triggered by what. Releasing old beliefs that no longer serve in this vast new dimension. Holding space for myself and my parts and watching myself change and grow on quantum levels.
I’ve been experimenting with fasting as well, starting out with intermittent fasting and now doing extended water fasts. The reasons I’ve been guided to this feels like a release for my cells from the toxicity and stale, trapped emotions, 3D limitations, and old wounds in my body. Feeling into my body deeply in whatever state it’s moving through, and redefining what “hunger” means to me.
Hunger feels like another mental block and concept that is enforced on us by our physical reality. We’re told to eat 3 meals a day, plus snacks, which are usually full of processed and chemical ingredients that are not nutritional or even food. We’re told to eat way more than our bodies really need, which leads to toxins and excess and this perception of our reliance on food. I used to be the type of person who would eat at least every 2-3 hours, always snacking or munching on something, never skipping breakfast and anxiously keeping way too much food. It felt like some sort of trauma reaction to being left without food as a child, I always had to have food in the house. I thought that I would die or feel horrible if I didn’t eat for a day.
I started experimenting with intermittent fasting a while ago, not eating for just 16 hours or so, and my stomach would grumble and persist and I felt hungry deep down to my bones. But then I would eat and my body would say “ugh, ew, why did you give me this?” and I felt heavy and overly full. But after practicing it, my body adjusted easily. The same happened when I tried a 24 hour fast, at the end of it I thought I was fainting with hunger and needed to eat that instant, or I would die. But then I ate and felt way too full and gross. Now I’m in the process of redefining hunger, and what my body actually wants and needs.
Hunger is not the rumbles your stomach makes (which are very normal and happen all the time, but the food in your stomach muffles them), or having to eat at a set “mealtime” each day. I’m still trying to figure out what hunger means to me. For all we know, it could be an illusion like everything else in this crazy world. But I’m curious to find out. I feel drawn to this subject, and find myself continually following it into the dark, even if the people around me are concerned or don’t understand. I know that I’m being guided through this, and am always safe and protected. The growing awareness in my body ensures that I’ll know when to stop.
I’ve also learned that the body heals itself when it’s in a fasted state, removing waste from cells and regenerating them through the process of autophagy. Now I’ve been so fascinated with this subject, I don’t fully know why, but I’ve been doing a lot of research on it. I’ve been reading scientific and personal accounts of people who’ve done extended fasts, and the results are truly transformative. I felt pulled to give it a try myself. Not for a crazy amount of time or anything, just a few days to see how it feels and give my body a chance to digest and reset. This turmoil around us, in the news, in the world, is all a reflection of the inner world. What triggers you is what needs to be felt and moved through. There’s a part that’s scared and looking for protection and love from your higher self.
So now I’m on day 3 of what is going to be an 8 day cleanse leading up to the Lion’s Gate portal on 08/08 (idk why but I feel guided to it this way) mostly consisting of water and smoothies.
Day 1: I felt good, active, and energized. 24 hours of only water and green tea felt like a breeze to me because I’ve done it a few times before. I noticed though that I may have depleted my glucose stores quite quickly on the first day because I was very active and went biking and worked a shift in the evening. Somewhere in the evening after around 18 hours, I felt my body go into ketosis, and it got very slow and quiet and conserving of energy. I also started getting a headache and some very low key detox symptoms (nausea, food cravings). That shift felt sooo long and I was exhausted after.
Day 2: The next day I had to work a double, and I woke up with my body feeling very much that it was already detoxing. I wonder if it’s because I did a 3-day fast last weekend, and I feel like my body was just ready to start cleaning again. Like it knew exactly what to do and didn’t waste time. Before my shift, I was in a very quiet and still meditative state. I could feel my body working away inside. I was a bit worried about having to work though, not that my job is very stressful and demanding, I work in a noodle restaurant at the moment. But even so, I felt my body was moving very slowly and conserving energy. I felt really depleted at work and wasn’t sure if I would make it through the day, and my boyfriend (god bless him) brought me a smoothie. Technically, below 500 calories a day still counts as fasting. That smoothie was genuinely the most heavenly thing I ever tasted. It was 24 oz of fruit and veg, which I drank super fast. After that my stomach felt satisfied and full and I had the energy to get through my shift.
Day 3: Today! My body feels very slow and quiet, and all food cravings have practically disappeared. This is a common thing around this point in a fast. I have very little external energy, and every movement feels exhausting, but I can feel a lot of energy moving inside of me. I’ve mostly spent the day lying down with my eyes closed, meditating or not, listening to healing frequencies, and letting my mind unravel. I have a little headache but other than that nothing too intense. I’m feeling guided to spend the next 3 days that I have off in total rest, disconnecting from social media and observing my thoughts and feelings.
I feel like sharing this update with you all, because I don’t know, maybe someone will relate to it or it’ll help you or inspire you. I’m so excited to see the ways that I’ll continue to transform, as I feel that right now is my “cocoon phase”. Resting and releasing now so that I can grow even taller and more radiant! (not *physically* taller, but…. spiritually?). Anyway, if this resonates or you’re interested, let me know about it! I’ll keep updating 🙂