April 1

April 1st

What if I decided to write something every day for a month?

Why not? 

Usually, at the beginning of the month, I would read a horoscope to see what would happen. But I don’t need that anymore. I know that this month will go exactly how I intend it to because I create my reality. I used to read my tarot cards every morning, to see what to expect for the day. But I’m over it. The cards were a tool to tell me things that I already knew. They’re just outside, material representations of what my intuition is already telling me. And I guess it’s part of the learning process because now I don’t feel so drawn to them anymore. I don’t want to “read” my future, or ask myself how I’m feeling because I just know now. I can ask myself directly. I used to think by “reading” the future I could predict everything and control it. But that’s no way to live. I used to be so obsessed with planning everything, but nothing ever goes according to plan. 

I had a thought last night as I was falling asleep. This is a bit out there, so bear with me. What if we saw the universe or God, or Source (whatever you want to call it) as a piece of blank paper. Just a sheet of white paper. And people, or things, or any physical reality, is a drawing upon that piece of paper. You draw the shapes, make lines, curves, and boundaries, fill it in with shading. It’s a lovely drawing. So now the page is filled with a drawing of something and is covered with dark lines and marks. The blank white of the paper still shines through in some places, but it’s different depending on each drawing. Maybe there’s hints of it for contrast or little pockets of light. We can almost forget that it used to just be white underneath. But if you decided to erase the drawing, more and more of the original paper can be slowly revealed. Until all that’s left is what we started with, a piece of paper to create whatever you want on. We can remember that everything we see or experience in this physical world is a drawing upon a piece of paper. A drawing that we have the freedom to erase, elaborate and create as our own. 

Maybe I will challenge myself this month. It’s so easy to get caught in thinking I am “something”. I have to be “this”, so I can’t be “that”. Well, I’m good at “this” so I must not be good at “that”. Maybe we can all challenge ourselves to feel the freedom to erase some lines. It doesn’t have to be big, maybe just a little corner. Maybe we can just explore how it would feel. Carefully rub something out and look around frantically wondering if someone will catch you or accuse you of something. But they won’t. People don’t really mind what you do with your drawing, it’s yours at the end of the day.