audition thoughts

“You are not for everyone. No, you’re for yourself and for the people who love you. There is something much worse than being misunderstood or disliked; not understanding or liking yourself. Focus on your own wholeness – that’s what “integrity” means – and let the rest go. Keep moving”

This quote was what I needed most. I have to admit, I am a bit disappointed. It was all so perfect: the song, the dress, the look, the mindset, I was ready, I was first. I thought I could control the universe. But I can’t. Selfish desire is what makes me disappointed. I did well and I know it. They said they liked it, and the song. But I just wasn’t right for what they were looking for. I don’t fit into a “Disney” box. That’s okay. I’m so much more than that. I know I’m talented, creative, I have so much to offer this world and I am ready to give. It’s easy to feel dejected, this all seems so hard. But I have to let go of expectations. I have to let go of attachments. I can’t hold onto things so tightly. I tried, I gave it my all. That has to be enough for me. I can live with that. I can know that I did a good job. I can’t know what’s in the future. I can’t try to know. I just have to learn from the present, stay grounded and do my best. That’s all I can do. Who knows what I’ll end up doing, where I’ll be. I don’t have to live anyone else’s life. I don’t have any schedule to fill. I just have to let it flow. Trust that I’ll end up on the right path, the right place and the right time. It’s not up to me to decide or control what the world needs from me. I’m here to give my unique gifts. The only thing I can do is follow what makes my soul happy, follow what brings me joy, keep growing, keep healing myself and others. I can’t control what happens. I only have control over myself and my mindset. Sure, I’m sad. But I’m grateful that I made some new friends. I’m grateful for the experience. I’m grateful to be in London. I’m grateful to myself for trying. I’m grateful that I got a cheap ticket to see a show tonight. The universe has to teach me rejection, it’s part of the journey. I’m going to keep going to auditions, I’m going to keep trying. But there has to be a different way. Perseverance is using a different approach. I know I’ll find the loophole, the backdoor, the in. I can’t be attached to an outcome or an idea of what I “should” be doing. I can do whatever I want. I can be whatever I want. Every day is a new lesson. This life is a journey, it comes with twists and turns, surprises and changes. What matters is that I tried. I took inspired action. I’m proud of myself for trying. I’m proud of myself for the journey. 

I still believe in the possibility of miracles. I’m excited for whatever is coming next. 

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